Letter/Email to Amanda

This is an email I wrote to a young lady that I have never met, but only read about and prayed for. She is suffering from cancer that has overtaken her body. Through it all, her responses have encouraged me and blessed me. Though I don't know her, she has been a wonderful example in my life.

Good Morning Amanda.
My name is Tara. I go to school at Samford University in Birmingham, AL. Through my mom, I have been kept up to date on what has been going on in your life. I just wanted to let you know that you are such a marvelous example of a Godly woman. When I think of you, I think of Paul when he said in 1 Corinthians 11:1 "Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ." Paul made such a bold statement. He knew that he was following, seeking, desiring, and thristing after his Savior. Just from the emails that I have received, I can tell that you are thirsting after you Savior.
Last night at church, we sang the Revelation Song by Gateway Worship.
The lyrics are:
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty,
who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing,
praise to the King of Kings.
You are my everything,
and I will adore You.
Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder At the mention of your name Jesus your name is power Breath, and living water Such a marvelous mystery!!

I can sing that over and over again here on this earth, but when I get to Heaven and see my Savior and sing His praise---I can't even fathom the awesomeness of that moment! You are so lucky! It sounds like that you will soon be able to sit at the Saviors nail-pierced feet and gaze at the beauty of His face. While we here on this earth are unable to even look at the radiance of the sun.
I do not understand the ways of God, they are definitely a mystery to me. But the good news is that God holds us in His hands and He knows everything that is going on. He has His eyes on you at all times.
Psalm 33
1 Shout for joy in the LORD, O you righteous! Praise befits the upright.
2Give thanks to the LORD with the lyre; make melody to him with the harp of ten strings!3Sing to him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts.
4For the word of the LORD is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness.
5He loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of the steadfast love of the LORD.
6By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, and by the breath of his mouth all their host.
7He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap; he puts the deeps in storehouses.
8Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!
9For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.
10The LORD brings the counsel of the nations to nothing; he frustrates the plans of the peoples.
11The counsel of the LORD stands forever, the plans of his heart to all generations.
12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people whom he has chosen as his heritage!
13The LORD looks down from heaven; he sees all the children of man;
14from where he sits enthroned he looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth,
15he who fashions the hearts of them all and observes all their deeds.
16The king is not saved by his great army; a warrior is not delivered by his great strength.
17 The war horse is a false hope for salvation, and by its great might it cannot rescue.
18Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love,
19that he may deliver their soul from death and keep them alive in famine.
20Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.21For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name.
22Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you.

Thank you, Amanda, for being such a shining light amidst your storm. You have been an encouragement to me. You are in my prayers and in my heart.
In His Service,
Tara

The Urgency of Eternity

I returned home from church today in a really strange mood. At first, I was dying to talk about what David Platt had preached on this morning at the Church at Brookhills, but then something inside of me just wasnt' right. I couldn't put my finger on what I was feeling, I couldn't understand how come all of a sudden the fire I had felt fizzled to almost nothingness in an instant. I guess I could say the devil was at work within me, because the sermon this morning was on "The Urgency of Eternity." The urgency to spread the Gospel because there is 4-5 BILLION people who are on their way to hell at this very moment. The devil was trying to tear me up inside, to discourage me, to wear me down, to distract me from the mission. The mission that I accepted the day I trusted Christ as my Lord and Savior. Not knowing what or why I was feeling practically worthless, I just got on the internet and began looking for scholarship money in places I had not looked before--hospitals. I sent a couple of emails requesting information about the scholarships, hoping that a few might turn out as possibilities. As I was looking, I realized that this was not what I wanted to be doing...not what I wanted to be doing at all. I wanted to be worshipping God through the reading of His word and singing of songs. So I decided that I wanted to go BACK to Brookhills for the night service...which is exactly the same as the morning service, but maybe I missed something...maybe there was something that I needed to hear again, so it could sink deeper into my dry and weary soul. I know knew what else was bothering me this afternoon...I was hungry and thirsty for more and more of the Word of God..I longed for MORE.

And now comes the hard part, the part I dealt with during the sermon. Hold on, because there is alot! :)

How much breath do I waste talking about temporal things? How much? Lately, it's been all of it. Lately, I've worked alot, with the same co-workers and have I mentioned their need for a Savior because they are dying? No. I haven't. I remeber talking about where to would be the best places to travel in Europe and how much I want to go. I am not promised tomorrow, why in the world would I be planning for a vacation many years down the road?

I can tell you why. Because I have been so focused on self-centered ambitions. I have tried to hold Christ in one hand and hold everything else in this world in the other; I have refused to let go, refused to completely throw my life at the feet of Jesus and surrender all to Him. I have been worried about what I want to do with pharmacy, where I want to work, where will pay me enough to pay off my school loans, how many kids I'll have, what their names will be, or who I can hang out with after work that I have completely forgotten WHY I am here.

I am here to spread the Gospel. I am here for the sole purpose of pointing others to Christ.

I should be burdened-heavily burdened-because I realize that people all around me are dying. People are dying..and yet I find something else to talk about! WOW! Lord, may my mindset be changed. May I gain an eternal view, instead of a worldly view. Make heavier my burden for the lost, deepen my compassion and love for those around me. Help me to trust the power of your Gospel, the power of YOUR NAME...YOUR HOLY AND PRECIOUS NAME--JESUS.

To Die is Gain...To Die Is Gain...To Die IS Gain...IT IS GAIN!

It is gain, because I will be sitting at the feet of Jesus gazing at His Beauty. I will be completely mesmorized by HIS GLORY that I will never want to look away...for all of eternity..and it will be AWESOME.

Revelation 4:8-11

"And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and within, and day and night they NEVER CEASE to say, 'HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!' And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before Him who is seated on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying, 'WORTHY are YOU, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created ALL things, and by Your will they existed and were created.'"

Another thing that just gets me everytime is Acts 20:22-24.

And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself,

IF ONLY

I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

If ONLY I may finish the course-- I do not know what awaits me. I do know that it will be worth it. It will be worth every pain, every joy, every heartache, every disappointment, every good time and every bad time. As long as I am telling/pleading/and urging others to turn to Christ as their Savior, then my life will count.

Worth It All by Rita Springer

Revelation Song by Gateway Worship

Who is a God like You?

So this sort of ties into my last blog.

Yesterday had a rough start. I found out that I disappointed someone that I love very deeply. When I found out, my heart sank within me, it ached, and it hurt. I wanted to be able to change ..to rewind and go back and start everything over...but I couldn't. The act had been done and the words had been said. I almost coudn't focus on what I needed to be focus on at that point in time, which was my Infectious Diseases exam. As much as this person said they forgave me, I knew they were still hurt and disappointed.

Then later at the gym, I was thinking and talking to God while on the eliptical machine. And I realized that I disappoint God every single day but I don't feel that deep heartache within me. All the pride that I have disappoints God. All the times that I think I can do things on my own disappoints God. God does not rate sin on a scale from 1 to 10, but I in my human mind do. Because I don't feel like it was a big sin, I don't feel the complete remorse and sorrow and sadness that I may feel if it were a 'big' sin. I disappoint God every single day.

Yet, in all my filthiness, God has washed me white as snow and ridden me of all my sin and shame. He will remain faithful to His children for He is a good God. Praise be to our Lord and Savior who died so that I may have life eternal.

Micah 7:18-20

"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. You will be true to Jacob,and show mercy to Abraham, as you pledged on oath to our fathers in days long ago."

Please Stay!...just a little longer!

This past weekend was absolutely incredible. In part because Brandon was here and I was able to see him for the first time in 6 weeks. Each night before he left to go to his friends house, I would leech onto him, and whine, "NO, please...not yet..don't leave yet, stay a little longer."

And then on Sunday Morning, I did a praise dance to "A Little Longer" by Brian and Jenn Johnson and I was floored by how I had completely missed the point the whole time. How often have I begged Brandon to stay just longer? Many many times.

But how often have I pleaded with God to stay longer? ---not many

How often have I rested in His presence because it is too sweet to let go of? ---not many

How often have I tried to continue to do Christian acts or service with hopes that it will bring me closer to Christ? ---too many to count

Yes, God wants us to be actively serving Him, but not to the point that we are not stopping to give God the opportunity to just love on us. I remember when I could just sit in my dad's or my granddaddy's lap for hours and hours and sqeeze his neck, or play with his hair (the few hairs that granddaddy had), or kiss him on the cheek. And dad or granddaddy would squeeze me to the point that it was nearly a death grip, then tickle me just so he could watch me laugh and squirm, or he would kiss me on the cheek and tell me he loved me so much. And that's just my earthly father....How much MORE does God want to hold us in His mighty arms and squeeze us and tell us that He loves us so much? God is a compassionate, loving God. I desire to lay my head on His shoulder and rest in His presence, wait in His presence, feel His massive arms surround me, and whisper in my ear 'You are My daughter, and I will always love you and keep My promise to you, just as I kept my promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob."

(picture is of my friend Matthew and his son, Isaiah, about 2 years ago. I felt it was a good picture of a father wrapping his loving arms around his child)

Wisdom

Today I read Proverbs 1. It's GOOD!

Wisdom is personified.

In verse 21 and 22, Wisdom is crying out to us, "How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge?"

How long will we reject wisdom and continue to live in our foolishness? For even if God had foolishness, it would still be MUCH MORE WISE than we could ever try to be (1 Corinthians 1). So if Wisdom wants to be a part of us, why are we rejecting him?

He will call and call and call but we will reject him. Then finally when we are done acting foolish and decide to call upon wisdom because now we are ready for him, he will not answer nor will he be found.

Proverbs 1:28-31 "Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently but will not find me. Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord, would have none of my counsel and despised all my reproof, therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way, and have their fill of their own devices."

Do not think that because we serve a merciful God that He won't punish you for your actions against God.

We also see this in Hosea.

I/we/Israel represent Gomer, the prostitute. We run all over the place worshipping every other god but the One above who gives us all things. We pursue other lovers and give them thanks and credit for giving us food, drink, and clothing (Hosea 2:5 "For their mother ahs played the whore; she who conceived them has acted shamefully. For she said, 'I will go after my lovers, who give me my bread and my water, my wood and my flax, my oil and drink.'")

We waste so much time seeking 'fancier' things, money, 'better' jobs, acceptance, and/or love. Then we finally realize that God is SO MUCH better than any earthly thing! He alone gives us joy, happiness, LOVE, and satisfaction in ALL situations, whether monetarily rich or poor. So we return to Him, our first love. And the first thing He must do is punish us. Hosea 2:9-10,12 "Therefore I will take back my grain in its time, and my wine in its season, and I will take away my wool and my flax, which were to cover her nakedness. Now I will uncover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and no one will rescue her out of my hand...And I will lay waster her vines and her fig trees, of which she said, 'These are my wages, which my lovers have given me.' I will make them a forest, and the beasts of the field shall devour them."

The Lord IS a JUST God. He can give and He can take away.

Don't you know that when you were a child, if you didn't get punished for something, you more than likely did the exact same thing AGAIN, received maybe a harsher scolding, and maybe did it again. Well, the Lord is our Father. If He does not punish us, won't we go back and do the same old foolish things over and over and over again? Probably so.

The Lord's punishment is a good thing. As hard as it may be. It keeps us from running away from Him, it pulls us closer to Him, it teaches us how merciful He really is, and how loving He is. Consider it pure joy.

Hosea 2:14-16 "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.'"

Oh the Lord draws us close to Him. Why? Because I most certainly do not deserve for the Lord of Lords and King of Kings to allure me to Himself or to be called a child of God.

If verses 19-20 don't excite you, I don't know what will!!

"And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord."

In my study Bible the note that it has for know the Lord says, The essence of the new covenant relationship involves knowing the Lord intimately (Jer 31:34). Today Christ mediates this new covenant and renders the old covenant relationship obsolete (Heb. 8:7-13).

WOW!! And We shall KNOW the Lord! We shall sit at His precious feet and sing praises unto His name because He is Holy, unlike any other. Because we would still be seeking out so many other lovers had He not always been there with us every step of the way.

What are you learning?

Hello.

It sure has been a really long time since I have written.

Life has been busy. I finished up my first semester of pharmacy school, then my sister got married, then enjoyed a super short vacation at home and in San Francisco, then started right back to school January 2nd.

There is alot of things that I believe God is trying to teach me. He wants to desperately teach me to be patient and to depend completely on Him. I feel that too often I try to do things on my own and try to just persevere depending on my own knowledge, my own strength, my own abilities. But I can't. A song that a SITC friend emailed to me entitled "A little longer" by Brian and Jenn Johnson has really hit the nail on the head. At first, it talks about what can I do for Christ, what can I say, sing, dance, or bring to Christ that will be pleasing to Him. But I can just serve and serve all I want too and still not grow in a relationship with Him, and I can surely not learn dependence on Him. The song then goes on to talk about the sweet moments with Christ that we want to hold on to Him just a little longer, to savor the precious time that Christ comes down to us and wraps His loving arms all around us. In those moments, everything else can be put on hold. Everything else in this short lived lifemeans absolutely nothing compared to the awesomeness of Christ.

Zephaniah 3:16-17 On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: "Fear not, O Zion; let not your hands grow weak. The Lord your GOd is in your midst, a mighty one will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing."

So I read Haggai 2 yesterday. And let me tell you, it is phenomenal! It talks about a nation that is constantly doing their own thing, serving their own gods, leading their own lives, and building up their own 'treasures' on this perishing earth. And God has been trying to get their attention, they plant grapes, olives, figs, pomengranates, etc only to produce little to no fruit. I believe this is exemplifying their lives. They are not producing any Godly fruit because they are not sowing anything worth God's time. Everything they touch is unclean and ugly in the sight of God.
YET! Despite themselves, God STILL CHOSE THEM to pour out His abundant blessings upon. Why? They did not deserve it. They did not DO anything worthy of having God spend His time even acknowledging them. But neither have I! I do not deserve to be called a child of God. Haggai chapter 2 is a perfect example of how much God loves us, of how much grace He has, of how much mercy He has, of how much compassion He has, of how He never breaks a promise, and of how perfect He is. It also goes to show that NO ONE is ever too far gone, because God can still choose him and use him for His honor and glory in the earth. It also means that God doesn't necessarily bless those who have it all together. That's comforting too. Course I have to remember that God's blessing won't always be packaged all in a pretty box and bow, God's ways are mysterious.

Here's something I thought was really good. When you are persistently pursuing God, but you feel like you are still in a dry, desert place, God is already drawing you to Himself. Remember Moses and the burning bush? Moses was running from all that he knew, and when he was in the desert, God met him there.

I'm learning dependence on God. I'm learning that His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are not my thoughts, His blessings are not what I may expect, and staying in the Word of God is one of the most important things I could ever do.

In Christ Alone,
Tara