The Urgency of Eternity

I returned home from church today in a really strange mood. At first, I was dying to talk about what David Platt had preached on this morning at the Church at Brookhills, but then something inside of me just wasnt' right. I couldn't put my finger on what I was feeling, I couldn't understand how come all of a sudden the fire I had felt fizzled to almost nothingness in an instant. I guess I could say the devil was at work within me, because the sermon this morning was on "The Urgency of Eternity." The urgency to spread the Gospel because there is 4-5 BILLION people who are on their way to hell at this very moment. The devil was trying to tear me up inside, to discourage me, to wear me down, to distract me from the mission. The mission that I accepted the day I trusted Christ as my Lord and Savior. Not knowing what or why I was feeling practically worthless, I just got on the internet and began looking for scholarship money in places I had not looked before--hospitals. I sent a couple of emails requesting information about the scholarships, hoping that a few might turn out as possibilities. As I was looking, I realized that this was not what I wanted to be doing...not what I wanted to be doing at all. I wanted to be worshipping God through the reading of His word and singing of songs. So I decided that I wanted to go BACK to Brookhills for the night service...which is exactly the same as the morning service, but maybe I missed something...maybe there was something that I needed to hear again, so it could sink deeper into my dry and weary soul. I know knew what else was bothering me this afternoon...I was hungry and thirsty for more and more of the Word of God..I longed for MORE.

And now comes the hard part, the part I dealt with during the sermon. Hold on, because there is alot! :)

How much breath do I waste talking about temporal things? How much? Lately, it's been all of it. Lately, I've worked alot, with the same co-workers and have I mentioned their need for a Savior because they are dying? No. I haven't. I remeber talking about where to would be the best places to travel in Europe and how much I want to go. I am not promised tomorrow, why in the world would I be planning for a vacation many years down the road?

I can tell you why. Because I have been so focused on self-centered ambitions. I have tried to hold Christ in one hand and hold everything else in this world in the other; I have refused to let go, refused to completely throw my life at the feet of Jesus and surrender all to Him. I have been worried about what I want to do with pharmacy, where I want to work, where will pay me enough to pay off my school loans, how many kids I'll have, what their names will be, or who I can hang out with after work that I have completely forgotten WHY I am here.

I am here to spread the Gospel. I am here for the sole purpose of pointing others to Christ.

I should be burdened-heavily burdened-because I realize that people all around me are dying. People are dying..and yet I find something else to talk about! WOW! Lord, may my mindset be changed. May I gain an eternal view, instead of a worldly view. Make heavier my burden for the lost, deepen my compassion and love for those around me. Help me to trust the power of your Gospel, the power of YOUR NAME...YOUR HOLY AND PRECIOUS NAME--JESUS.

To Die is Gain...To Die Is Gain...To Die IS Gain...IT IS GAIN!

It is gain, because I will be sitting at the feet of Jesus gazing at His Beauty. I will be completely mesmorized by HIS GLORY that I will never want to look away...for all of eternity..and it will be AWESOME.

Revelation 4:8-11

"And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and within, and day and night they NEVER CEASE to say, 'HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!' And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before Him who is seated on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying, 'WORTHY are YOU, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created ALL things, and by Your will they existed and were created.'"

Another thing that just gets me everytime is Acts 20:22-24.

And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself,

IF ONLY

I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

If ONLY I may finish the course-- I do not know what awaits me. I do know that it will be worth it. It will be worth every pain, every joy, every heartache, every disappointment, every good time and every bad time. As long as I am telling/pleading/and urging others to turn to Christ as their Savior, then my life will count.

Worth It All by Rita Springer

Revelation Song by Gateway Worship

Who is a God like You?

So this sort of ties into my last blog.

Yesterday had a rough start. I found out that I disappointed someone that I love very deeply. When I found out, my heart sank within me, it ached, and it hurt. I wanted to be able to change ..to rewind and go back and start everything over...but I couldn't. The act had been done and the words had been said. I almost coudn't focus on what I needed to be focus on at that point in time, which was my Infectious Diseases exam. As much as this person said they forgave me, I knew they were still hurt and disappointed.

Then later at the gym, I was thinking and talking to God while on the eliptical machine. And I realized that I disappoint God every single day but I don't feel that deep heartache within me. All the pride that I have disappoints God. All the times that I think I can do things on my own disappoints God. God does not rate sin on a scale from 1 to 10, but I in my human mind do. Because I don't feel like it was a big sin, I don't feel the complete remorse and sorrow and sadness that I may feel if it were a 'big' sin. I disappoint God every single day.

Yet, in all my filthiness, God has washed me white as snow and ridden me of all my sin and shame. He will remain faithful to His children for He is a good God. Praise be to our Lord and Savior who died so that I may have life eternal.

Micah 7:18-20

"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. You will be true to Jacob,and show mercy to Abraham, as you pledged on oath to our fathers in days long ago."

Please Stay!...just a little longer!

This past weekend was absolutely incredible. In part because Brandon was here and I was able to see him for the first time in 6 weeks. Each night before he left to go to his friends house, I would leech onto him, and whine, "NO, please...not yet..don't leave yet, stay a little longer."

And then on Sunday Morning, I did a praise dance to "A Little Longer" by Brian and Jenn Johnson and I was floored by how I had completely missed the point the whole time. How often have I begged Brandon to stay just longer? Many many times.

But how often have I pleaded with God to stay longer? ---not many

How often have I rested in His presence because it is too sweet to let go of? ---not many

How often have I tried to continue to do Christian acts or service with hopes that it will bring me closer to Christ? ---too many to count

Yes, God wants us to be actively serving Him, but not to the point that we are not stopping to give God the opportunity to just love on us. I remember when I could just sit in my dad's or my granddaddy's lap for hours and hours and sqeeze his neck, or play with his hair (the few hairs that granddaddy had), or kiss him on the cheek. And dad or granddaddy would squeeze me to the point that it was nearly a death grip, then tickle me just so he could watch me laugh and squirm, or he would kiss me on the cheek and tell me he loved me so much. And that's just my earthly father....How much MORE does God want to hold us in His mighty arms and squeeze us and tell us that He loves us so much? God is a compassionate, loving God. I desire to lay my head on His shoulder and rest in His presence, wait in His presence, feel His massive arms surround me, and whisper in my ear 'You are My daughter, and I will always love you and keep My promise to you, just as I kept my promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob."

(picture is of my friend Matthew and his son, Isaiah, about 2 years ago. I felt it was a good picture of a father wrapping his loving arms around his child)

Wisdom

Today I read Proverbs 1. It's GOOD!

Wisdom is personified.

In verse 21 and 22, Wisdom is crying out to us, "How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge?"

How long will we reject wisdom and continue to live in our foolishness? For even if God had foolishness, it would still be MUCH MORE WISE than we could ever try to be (1 Corinthians 1). So if Wisdom wants to be a part of us, why are we rejecting him?

He will call and call and call but we will reject him. Then finally when we are done acting foolish and decide to call upon wisdom because now we are ready for him, he will not answer nor will he be found.

Proverbs 1:28-31 "Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently but will not find me. Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord, would have none of my counsel and despised all my reproof, therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way, and have their fill of their own devices."

Do not think that because we serve a merciful God that He won't punish you for your actions against God.

We also see this in Hosea.

I/we/Israel represent Gomer, the prostitute. We run all over the place worshipping every other god but the One above who gives us all things. We pursue other lovers and give them thanks and credit for giving us food, drink, and clothing (Hosea 2:5 "For their mother ahs played the whore; she who conceived them has acted shamefully. For she said, 'I will go after my lovers, who give me my bread and my water, my wood and my flax, my oil and drink.'")

We waste so much time seeking 'fancier' things, money, 'better' jobs, acceptance, and/or love. Then we finally realize that God is SO MUCH better than any earthly thing! He alone gives us joy, happiness, LOVE, and satisfaction in ALL situations, whether monetarily rich or poor. So we return to Him, our first love. And the first thing He must do is punish us. Hosea 2:9-10,12 "Therefore I will take back my grain in its time, and my wine in its season, and I will take away my wool and my flax, which were to cover her nakedness. Now I will uncover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and no one will rescue her out of my hand...And I will lay waster her vines and her fig trees, of which she said, 'These are my wages, which my lovers have given me.' I will make them a forest, and the beasts of the field shall devour them."

The Lord IS a JUST God. He can give and He can take away.

Don't you know that when you were a child, if you didn't get punished for something, you more than likely did the exact same thing AGAIN, received maybe a harsher scolding, and maybe did it again. Well, the Lord is our Father. If He does not punish us, won't we go back and do the same old foolish things over and over and over again? Probably so.

The Lord's punishment is a good thing. As hard as it may be. It keeps us from running away from Him, it pulls us closer to Him, it teaches us how merciful He really is, and how loving He is. Consider it pure joy.

Hosea 2:14-16 "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.'"

Oh the Lord draws us close to Him. Why? Because I most certainly do not deserve for the Lord of Lords and King of Kings to allure me to Himself or to be called a child of God.

If verses 19-20 don't excite you, I don't know what will!!

"And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord."

In my study Bible the note that it has for know the Lord says, The essence of the new covenant relationship involves knowing the Lord intimately (Jer 31:34). Today Christ mediates this new covenant and renders the old covenant relationship obsolete (Heb. 8:7-13).

WOW!! And We shall KNOW the Lord! We shall sit at His precious feet and sing praises unto His name because He is Holy, unlike any other. Because we would still be seeking out so many other lovers had He not always been there with us every step of the way.

What are you learning?

Hello.

It sure has been a really long time since I have written.

Life has been busy. I finished up my first semester of pharmacy school, then my sister got married, then enjoyed a super short vacation at home and in San Francisco, then started right back to school January 2nd.

There is alot of things that I believe God is trying to teach me. He wants to desperately teach me to be patient and to depend completely on Him. I feel that too often I try to do things on my own and try to just persevere depending on my own knowledge, my own strength, my own abilities. But I can't. A song that a SITC friend emailed to me entitled "A little longer" by Brian and Jenn Johnson has really hit the nail on the head. At first, it talks about what can I do for Christ, what can I say, sing, dance, or bring to Christ that will be pleasing to Him. But I can just serve and serve all I want too and still not grow in a relationship with Him, and I can surely not learn dependence on Him. The song then goes on to talk about the sweet moments with Christ that we want to hold on to Him just a little longer, to savor the precious time that Christ comes down to us and wraps His loving arms all around us. In those moments, everything else can be put on hold. Everything else in this short lived lifemeans absolutely nothing compared to the awesomeness of Christ.

Zephaniah 3:16-17 On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: "Fear not, O Zion; let not your hands grow weak. The Lord your GOd is in your midst, a mighty one will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing."

So I read Haggai 2 yesterday. And let me tell you, it is phenomenal! It talks about a nation that is constantly doing their own thing, serving their own gods, leading their own lives, and building up their own 'treasures' on this perishing earth. And God has been trying to get their attention, they plant grapes, olives, figs, pomengranates, etc only to produce little to no fruit. I believe this is exemplifying their lives. They are not producing any Godly fruit because they are not sowing anything worth God's time. Everything they touch is unclean and ugly in the sight of God.
YET! Despite themselves, God STILL CHOSE THEM to pour out His abundant blessings upon. Why? They did not deserve it. They did not DO anything worthy of having God spend His time even acknowledging them. But neither have I! I do not deserve to be called a child of God. Haggai chapter 2 is a perfect example of how much God loves us, of how much grace He has, of how much mercy He has, of how much compassion He has, of how He never breaks a promise, and of how perfect He is. It also goes to show that NO ONE is ever too far gone, because God can still choose him and use him for His honor and glory in the earth. It also means that God doesn't necessarily bless those who have it all together. That's comforting too. Course I have to remember that God's blessing won't always be packaged all in a pretty box and bow, God's ways are mysterious.

Here's something I thought was really good. When you are persistently pursuing God, but you feel like you are still in a dry, desert place, God is already drawing you to Himself. Remember Moses and the burning bush? Moses was running from all that he knew, and when he was in the desert, God met him there.

I'm learning dependence on God. I'm learning that His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are not my thoughts, His blessings are not what I may expect, and staying in the Word of God is one of the most important things I could ever do.

In Christ Alone,
Tara

The Almighty Pursuer

I just am taken aback at how extremely AWESOME God is. A couple of weeks ago, me and a friend studied together before a huge test. And yeh, physiology is cool and all, BUT afterwards, we got to talk about God and church. He wanted to get back into church, he really did, but just didn't know where to go or where to start. Instead, he had been wrapped up in worldly desires. It's one of those times that he felt that because he strayed from God, he would just keep straying because it was easier to do. It's easier to be of the world and IN the world. I got to tell him the awesome story of Edward and Earl, if you look back on one of my earlier blogs from June, I talked about them. And how much God will pursue them and will come and find each of them, no matter how far away they are. We see that in Luke 15. God SEARCHES for His Sheep and WHEN He finds them, He will take them back to the flock.

So, me and my friend parted ways that night, and God just put him on my heart. I began praying for him, that God would do a mighty work in him. That week, i went to my pastor, Angulus Wilson, and said, "Pastor, God is working on Him. He wants a relationship with my friend. I pray that God will give me persistence to keep being there for him. God is going to do something big. I dont' know what, or when, but He's working. Because He keeps giving me opportunities."

The next week was fall break, and on Monday I sent my friend a text to remind him about UCF and the times, and to make sure he was still planning on going. Wednesday afternoon, he sent me a text, and my heart about sank. Because typically when i get a text before i have invited someone to church, they are cancelling on me, BUT OH NO!! He was asking me what time it started! My heart leaped for excitement, because the Lord was working still! So we went to UCF and Joel preached an AWESOME message.

Then i invited my friend to New Beginnings Family Church on Sunday morning. I told him, i go to sunday school at 9:30 and it lasts till about 1:30, just to prepare him for the length of time it would be. So Sunday morning came and at about 8:30, i was beginning to get a little nervous. I was like, oh lord, please have him come today, please do not let him cancel, please wake him up and get him out of bed. At 9am, he called me and asked if i was coming. OH BOY!! even more excited. And now i was supposed to ride with 2 other girls to church, but God kept them in their bed till 9, because he knew my friend needed some time to tell me what's been going on. IF you don't think GOd orchestrates everything, you need to start paying more attention. We get to early morning prayer time and everyone is together for that part, well, right before sunday school, i'm like, "oh yeh, we are split up for sunday school." He looked at me like WHAT...umm...really? So i introduced him to the coolest college minister around and they went to sunday school. God is Good!

Then during service, Pastor preached from John 3:16, (he's going through the book of John and that's this weeks verse), and it was the most perfect God-breathed sermon for this particular sunday. When we stood up for the invitation, my heart got heavy and God was like.."tara, tell him you'll go, let him know it's ok to move." So once i finally got up enough courage i told him i would walk down the aisle with him if he wanted me too. He shook his head and closed his eyes and i did too. NExt thing i know, I hear claps of Excitement, when i open my eyes, there my friend was walking down the aisle to join the Church!!!

God is in the Pursuit Business. HE wants relationships with each and every individual.

I am so thankful for my church, b/c they teach the Word. They love people. They desire to seek the lost. They desire to make disciples of all men.

So it pains me to hear that we are stuggling to keep the lights on at the church. We can't even pay our pastor a salary. But God WILL make a way, He gave New Beginnings that church building in the middle of Midfield, and He will provide. So if you are ever wondering where your money could be used, where your money could be used for the sake of Christ, consider donating to New Beginnings this Thanksgiving, this Christmas, this month, or this year. It will be used to proclaim the gospel of Christ and to reach the city of Birmingham.

Address: 500 B.Y Williams Sr. Dr.
Birmingham Al, 35228

Website: http://www.newbeginningsfamily.org/

THe picture was from Pastor Appreciation over Fall break. Me with Kiki and Tanecia. Kiki is practicing her alphabet in sign language, and she knows 'Jesus loves me' now.

Speaking of sign language and kids. I think that God is moving me to be more involved at NBFC. I believe he told me last wednesday that i should keep going to UCF until my friend could go on his own, then i would be able to go to New Beginnings on Wednesday nights too. But you know what, God already worked that out too, cuz when i asked my friend where he wanted to go on wednesday, he said NBFC. Such an amazing peace that God gave me on where I need to be Wednesday nights. God wants to use me with the youth and the kids and just pour my life and my all over into them. I desire for them to be amazing Christian women who make Christ their number one priority. I desire for them to be awesome examples, so that others may come to know Christ. So be in prayer as i begin to make this move, to become more involved in my church, while still taking on pharmacy school. :)

Thanks!!

In His Service,

tara

update on life...and Luke 23

Goodness, so much has happened. I've in pharmacy school about a month now, and so far so good. I've had my first 3 tests, and 2 went well, but the Biochemistry test that i had today...umm..we shall see. The consensus of the class is that none of us had any idea what was going on. But still not an excuse for me not to do well on it. I'm staying pretty busy, which is good for me, because I do not like to be sitting around with nothing to do. In His Hands has been very blessed by God this year, because we have the most new people we have ever had in my 3 years at Samford. I'm extremely excited about it. The songs we are currently working on are Amazing Grace and Jesus Paid it All by K. Stanfill (which is going to be awesome! at least how i have it envisioned in my mind).
I have started a Bible study on monday nights for women of In His Hands and Samford Ministries Choir. We have met twice now, and I just love it. I dont' know how the 5 other girls feel, but I love meeting with other women and talking about GOD!! IT"S AWESOME! :) and hopefully once we all get to know one another better, we will be able to continue to become accountability partners with each other, so we may sharpen each other to make a stand for Christ. I also hope that by going into God's word with each other will draw us closer to each other. That is my prayer anyway.

I guess the hardest part this semester has been interacting with people in my class, the people i see every single day. The people i spend hours with every week. I want to get to know the students who sit around me, I really do, I just dont' know what to say. The atmosphere is very different from undergrad and especially very different from this summer. Please pray that I have patience and joy and understanding and wisdom every time i walk into russell 125.

Oh wow, read through Luke. It is absolutely incredible. i can't even think of words to express how amazing Christ is. The fact that he loved us so much to hang on the cross. Last night Brandon mentioned something after we read luke 23 and it spurred another thought. Christ knows everything, correct. He knows how many hairs are on our head and how many stars are in the sky. Because He knows that, he also knew exactly what tree it was that he was going to hang on with nails piercing his hands. I wonder how many times He walked by that tree and wanted to just cut it down. I can't imagine knowing the fate of a simple tree, knowing that one day I would be hanging from it. But Christ isnt' human! He walked by that tree and thought of ME and YOU! Christ loved us so much that he hung on a tree in complete agony and couldn't stop thinking of how AWESOME it would be to have us sit at his feet in Heaven, to have us share the good news with everyone so that all may have the opportunity to enter the Kingdom of God. He passed by that tree and let it keep growing because He wanted US in His presence forever. He wanted to Give US ABUNDANT LIFE!

I can not wait for that day.